Dear Adina:
We are in the midst of basketball season, and this is my question:
How do you handle when your son’s team has lost all the games, so he refuses to go to basketball? I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I want him to feel some kind of commitment to the team, yet he and one other player are the stronger ones on the team. I know it can be quite discouraging to lose every single game, but shouldn’t I still make him go?
Thanks so much for your question. To start off, I would let him know what your concerns are.
I would open up the discussion and try to listen to what he has to say.
“This is the story: I know you are upset and frustrated because you keep on losing and you don’t feel like participating in your basketball league. The problem is that you committed to doing this – we signed up, we spoke to the coach, etc. I am uncomfortable saying that you don’t have to go, because of that commitment. But I want to hear your opinion on the matter.”
You can then ask some questions, guiding him towards thinking for himself and resolving this problem:
Ø “Can you find some solution to this problem?”
Ø “Do you enjoy anything at all about basketball, even if you are not winning? Does it help to focus on the things you do enjoy?”
Ø “Can you be given some sort of leadership role to help the weaker players? Will that work for you?”
You can end the conversation with something like this:
“Ultimately it is your decision whether or not you go to basketball. If you want my opinion, I think you made a commitment and you should go. Plus, I think you can figure out a way to make the most of a difficult situation. But again, it is your call.”
I hope this helps.
Good luck!
Good Parenting: Is My Son A Sore Loser?
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