Delving Deeper In Our Relationships

Our daily lives involve countless interactions with numerous people. Our spouse, children, parents, coworkers, and neighbors all provide us with the many relationships we have throughout our lives, and in turn the constant opportunities to express our sensitivities, love, and concern for our fellow Jews.

Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l was headed out to a very important meeting of the Moetzet Gedolei Hatorah. The plan was that as soon as minchah was over in the yeshivah there would be a car waiting to quickly get the rav to the meeting at Agudah headquarters. Immediately following davening, Rav Moshe quickly headed outside while there was an entourage of bachurim following. As he was getting into the car, a needy individual came over and asked for money. Rav Moshe took out cash from his wallet and handed it to the underprivileged person. Before the door closed, the fellow engaged Rav Moshe in a conversation sharing his life, unloading his personal problems. Throughout this discussion Rav Moshe sat and patiently listened. However, the time was ticking, the meeting was approaching, and as the minutes passed people started motioning to the fellow that Rav Moshe must go. However, Rav Feinstein said no, let him talk. Finally, after ten whole minutes, Rav Moshe ended up excusing himself and proceeded to the meeting. When his talmidim inquired why he did not just excuse himself earlier, as this was a very important meeting, Rav Moshe responded do you think my mitzvah of tzedakah just ends by giving money? No. There’s so much more. What this fellow really needed was somebody to listen to his concerns. What this person really wanted was to know that I actually care about him, and that I would take out the time to hear his tribulations. That is how I was providing him with tzedakah.

Rav Moshe Feinstein was able to look past the surface and to see what another individual really needed and to provide that sustenance.

The posuk in parshat Re’eh tells us:

כִּי פָתֹחַ תִּפְתַּח אֶת יָדְךָ לוֹ וְהַעֲבֵט תַּעֲבִיטֶנּוּ דֵּי מַחְסֹרוֹ אֲשֶׁר יֶחְסַר לוֹ

that when it comes to a needy individual, you should open your hand and to grant him that which he is lacking. Rashi points out that this is discussing even a wealthy individual who had so much, yet lost his money, you must look to provide for that person even a horse to ride on and a slave to run ahead of him to take care of his needs. Rav Shlomo Volbe zt”l points out that most people would look at this Rashi and find this halachah to be rather strange. This fellow that was living the “good life” and now lost that money, why can’t he just be like all the “regular people” in the world? Why should I have to provide him with things that are considered luxuries to the rest of the world? Rav Volbe answers that the posuk is telling us a very critical lesson for our interactions with others. This wealthy individual got used to a certain lifestyle. Things that may be luxuries to others became needs for him. Now that he lost all that, he really suffers tremendous pain from the realization of what he no longer has. In turn, it is our job as members of klal Yisrael to take care of him, to uplift him, and to provide him with that which he is lacking.

He further elaborates, saying that we must apply this lesson to all the people in our relationships. We have to provide them with אֲשֶׁר יֶחְסַר לוֹ that which THEY are lacking. Everybody has something that they need. To one individual there might be a medical or financial need they require assistance. Another person may be seeking advice or just a listening ear. Somebody else in our life may be searching for spiritual fulfillment. There may even be people that feel empty inside yet do not realize what they are lacking, and need guidance to discover what they need. We can emulate the great middot of Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l if we get into a habit of looking deeper into the lives of our spouse, children, coworkers, and friends to notice and understand what they really need and to do our best to provide them with that which they are lacking.

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Rabbi Yaakov Moskowitz is a motivational speaker who has inspired Jews around the world through his engaging lectures and videos on a wide array of practical Jewish topics. To receive Rabbi Moskowitz’s short clips, email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..