The Correct Approach To Happiness

Yaakov changed only one word when he repeated Eisav’s words, but from that word you can learn a whole new perception of reality.

After 22 years of estrangement, Yaakov prepares for his historic meeting with his brother Eisav. Our sages point out that Yaakov prepared three strategies to deal with Eisav — a gift, prayer and war. Eisav His second strategy of prayer was his effort in the spiritual realm. And his last strategy was war — if worst comes to worst, Yaakov would not hesitate to defend his family, including preparing for the possibility of combat with his brother.

We know that “the deeds of the Fathers are a sign for their sons.” Yaakov’s actions showed the way for all following generations. When there is an encounter between the Jewish people and another nation, we have to conduct ourselves like Yaakov: to try to solve the problem peacefully, and only as a last resort to choose a confrontation. In all cases, prayer to the Almighty should never be neglected and we should ask Him to provide us with a solution to the problem.

Yaakov and Eisav eventually meet amid a feeling of affinity and affection. Eisav asks Yaakov: “What is all this camp of yours which I encountered?” Why did you send me all these sheep and cattle? Yaakov tells him that he wanted to please him. 

Eisav rejects the gift: “ Eisav said, ‘I have plenty, my brother, take whatever is yours.’” But Yaakov insists on giving him the gift and tells him, “Please take my blessing that was sent to you, because G-d has been gracious to me and I have everything.”

The sages note the difference between Eisav’s words and Yaakov’s. Eisav uses the phrase “I have plenty” while Yaakov says, “I have everything.” Eisav may feel he has a lot, but he does not have everything. Something is always lacking and he is not satisfied with whatever material acquisitions he has now. Yaakov on the other hand says, “I have everything.” I am not missing a thing.

This is the difference between a person who trusts in G-d, and a person who trusts in himself. A person without faith feels that he is missing out in life. If has a hundred — he wants two hundred. And if he does not get what he wants, he becomes depressed and bitter. He can’t bear to see his friend succeed, and he suffers from feelings of envy and dashed hopes. A person who doesn’t feel how the hand of G-d governs the world, will easily find himself in constant insatiable competition with everyone else.

But when a person trusts in G-d, he knows that the Creator of the universe cares about his well-being. G-d is not limited in what He can give. So, if G-d did not give me what I want, there must be a good reason. In His great wisdom, He knows exactly what is good for me, and that is exactly what He is giving me. 

A person with this mindset is a happy man because he always feels that he has everything. Of course, it goes without saying that he has to expend efforts to earn his livelihood, care for his health, get married and achieve every other thing he needs if he wants G-d’s blessing to fall upon him. But this person doesn’t need a big bank balance to feel content. 

Our sages teach “Who is rich? He who is happy with his lot.” When a person feels he has everything, he is truly a rich man. This was Yaakov’s way, and this is how all righteous individuals feel. Their attitude is “G-d has been gracious to me and I have everything” in contrast to Eisav who said “I have plenty” but not “I have everything.” Whatever I need, I have. 

I wish all of you to live a good and content life, full of joy and satisfaction, Amen.

 By R' Zamir Cohen