The Crucial Lesson The Police Officer Taught Me

I can’t believe he said that? How could she act in such a disgusting way? He should be ashamed of himself, there’s no way I would ever stoop so low. Have we ever heard these thoughts in our brains when witnessing someone else doing something that appears questionable? One of the keys to success in all our relationships is developing the middah of being Dan Lkaf Zchut. Could you imagine how incredible our relationships would be if we developed the ability to judge everyone in a favorable light.

A few years ago, I developed a deeper appreciation for this concept through a lesson I learnt from a police officer in Miami. There had been a string of car break-ins that was going on in our neighborhood. One night when driving home from Maariv I noticed from the distance that the door to my other car in the driveway was open. I was very confused wondering why the door would have been left open? As I approached my house I saw that there were two guys inside my car rummaging through the glove compartment. They quickly ran away as they saw me approaching and I immediately called the police. The officer came down, wrote up a report and then 45 minutes later came knocking on my door and said “Sir we have several suspects and we need you to come and identify which of them were the guys in your car. I got into the back of the police car and was driven to a location where there were several suspects in handcuffs sitting on the median of the road. The windows were tinted so they couldn’t see me but I could clearly see them. I said to the officer “I’m pretty sure it’s those two guys” pointing to two of the cuffed young men. The officer looked at me and said “Sir are you 100% sure that it was those two guys. I responded “No not 100% sure but I’m pretty sure it’s those two. Once again he looked at me and said in a rather serious tone “Are you ONE HUNDRED PERCENT POSITIVE it’s those two?” I’m around 90% sure I said but definitely not 100%. He remarked with the following words “If you’re not one hundred percent sure then there’s no way that we could convict anyone.” That evening I learned a tremendous Musar Haskel from that officer. If I’m not one hundred percent sure that my neighbor did that Aveira, If I’m not one hundred percent confident that my coworker really hurt somebody else or said something damaging, then I can’t possibly have the right to judge their actions.

The Mishna in Pirkei Avos 2:5 tells us “Al Tadin Es Chavercha Ad Shetagia Limkomo” don’t judge your friend until you’ve reached his place. The Sfas Emes says that what the Mishna is telling us is that in order to judge a person fairly I would need to share a similar outlook and perspective as him. However that license to judge will NEVER exist since no two individuals are exactly alike as Chazal teach us “Kshem Shein Partzufeihem Domin Zeh Lazeh Kach Ein Deosehem Domin Zeh Lazeh” the same way no two faces are alike, so too, no two thought processes are alike.

There’s never a time a person is able to judge another person’s actions because he will never see this situation the same way the individual involved did. Each person has their unique upbringing (their specific parents, siblings, community, schooling, friends, etc.) which molded their unique view of the world that nobody else could ever be privy to. Each person has encountered different people throughout their lives whose opinions and values have influenced how they think and feel. Everybody has their specific “nisyonot” challenges that they face with their distinct feelings of desire and temptations coupled with their specific dosage of positive and negative midot.

We must also consider the possibility that this individual may have been exposed to far greater spiritual trials in life well beyond anything you have ever experienced. Perhaps if you faced those same trials, you would not have acted any differently. How can we possibly judge and assume our actions would have been better if our level of temptation may not be the same, the midot we were granted with in life are very different, and our spiritual trials perhaps were not as tempting.

Whenever we see somebody doing something that appears improper or questionable, we must remind ourselves that there’s no way that I could judge their actions because I have no idea what that person’s life setting is, I have no clue what it’s like to face the challenges they are facing, I have no idea what they are really going through. Bezras Hashem if we can attempt to look at those around us through this lens, we are sure to grow in all of our relationships.

Rabbi Yaakov Moskowitz