Confidence vs. Confinement

The Torah records the actions of our Avot not only to inspire us but also to teach lessons within the limitations of human understanding. While their greatness is unfathomable, we are tasked with learning from their lives. This idea, beautifully elaborated by the esteemed Rav Yonatan Shraga Domb shlit”a of Eretz Yisrael, sheds light on an enigmatic episode in Parashat Vayishlach.

Rashi’s commentary (32:23) reveals that Dinah was hidden by Yaakov in a locked box to ensure Esav would not see her. Yet Yaakov was punished for this act, as Dinah’s concealment prevented a potential opportunity to bring Esav to righteousness. Tragically, she later fell into the hands of Shechem.

This raises several perplexing questions:

Should Yaakov have risked Dinah’s future for Esav’s repentance?

The Ba'alei HaTosafot in Moshav Zekenim ask: Could Yaakov really be expected to give his daughter to Esav, a notorious evildoer, merely on the chance that she might inspire him? Dinah was only six years old at the time—an age far too tender for such a consideration.

Rav Chaim Rapaport, in Otzarot Chaim on Parashat Vayishlach, writes emphatically:

"It is difficult to understand why Yaakov was punished. The Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 50:5) explicitly states that a bride can withdraw from an engagement if the groom is of corrupt character. All the more so, it would seem logical that Yaakov had no obligation to even entertain such an arrangement with Esav. Why, then, was he penalized?"

The Alter of Slabodka, in Or HaTzafon (Part 1, p. 203), echoes this concern:

"The Sages teach (Pesachim 49b) that marrying one’s daughter to an ignorant man is akin to placing her before a lion. How much more so to a wicked man—and not just any wicked man, but Esav! Surely Yaakov acted rightly by protecting his daughter from such a fate."

Why is Dinah’s case different from Leah’s?

The Nachalat Yaakov, a student of the Rema, observes a curious inconsistency. Leah is praised for her disdain of Esav, refusing to marry him due to his wickedness, yet she was not punished despite potentially missing an opportunity to inspire him. Why, then, was Yaakov treated differently in Dinah’s case?

Why did Yaakov lock the box?

If Yaakov’s primary concern was hiding Dinah from Esav, it should have sufficed to place her in the box. What purpose did locking it serve? If Esav was determined enough to search, he could have broken the lock anyway.

The Root of the Mistake

The answer lies in the symbolism of the locked box. Rav Yonatan Shraga Domb shlit”a explains that Yaakov’s actions reflected a lack of trust—not only in Esav’s ability to change but also in Dinah’s strength and character. By locking the box, Yaakov sent an unintended message: “I do not believe you have the fortitude to resist.”

This lack of trust, however subtle, undermined Dinah’s confidence. The locking of the box didn’t just shield her from Esav; it confined her, both physically and emotionally. Instead of feeling empowered, Dinah may have internalized a sense of inadequacy.

This, Rav Domb suggests, was Yaakov’s mistake. Overprotection can sometimes yield the opposite result. By doubting Dinah’s resilience and taking away her agency, Yaakov inadvertently weakened her ability to navigate future challenges. When Dinah later left the safety of her family and was violated by Shechem, it was not just a physical assault—it was also a blow to her inherent sense of self-worth.

 

A Lesson for All of Us

From this episode, we learn a timeless principle in education and parenting: Trust is foundational. While it is essential to set boundaries and offer guidance, it is equally crucial to instill confidence in those under our care. When children feel trusted, they rise to the occasion. When they sense doubt, they may falter.

The consequences of undermining confidence can be far-reaching. Rav Domb points out that when we fail to nurture a child’s belief in themselves, we inadvertently create cracks in their foundation. These cracks can leave them vulnerable, just as Dinah was left exposed.

The Torah’s critique of Yaakov highlights the importance of balance—of shielding without smothering, and of protecting without limiting.

 

A Call to Empowerment

This profound episode challenges us to reflect on how we guide others in our lives, whether as parents, teachers, or leaders. Are we locking boxes, or are we opening doors? Are we building confidence, or are we unintentionally sowing doubt?

May we merit the wisdom to strengthen and uplift those in our care, helping them grow into their full potential with faith in their abilities and in Hashem’s guidance.

(For more, see Lehair Lehorot Velehaskil, Vol. 3).

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Rabbi Leeor Dahan, a graduate of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim/RSA, is a seasoned scholar and educator. He serves as the rabbi of Kehilat Avodat Hashem in Hillcrest, Queens, where he inspires his congregation to integrate Torah study into their daily lives.