Quenching The Fire Of Anger: Cultivating Menuchat Shabbat

"You shall not kindle a fire throughout your dwelling on the Shabbat day." (Shemot 35:3)

While this pasuk primarily refers to the issur of lighting a physical fire on Shabbat, Chazal teach that it also alludes to the prohibition of ka’as—igniting the flames of anger. The Shelah HaKadosh explains that the “fire” described in the Torah symbolizes anger, which is particularly severe on Shabbat. Furthermore, Chazal reveal that even Gehinnom’s fury is at bay on Shabbat, providing the neshamot that dwell in its chambers some rest. Thus, one who succumbs to anger on Shabbat essentially rekindles these fires within themselves, disrupting menuchat Shabbat.

 

Erev Shabbat: A Critical Time for Harmony

Erev Shabbat is a particularly sensitive time, requiring heightened vigilance against ka’as and machlokes, especially within the home. The Chida, in Moreh Be’etzba (Siman 140), warns that Friday afternoon is a shaas hadin, a dangerous time for marital discord, due to the presence of the Sitrah Achrah, the yetzer hara, whose efforts to incite conflict intensify as we usher in Shabbat. Yarei Shamayim must suppress the impulse to engage in disputes or harbor resentment and instead strive for shalom, peace.

Similarly, Rav Chaim Palagi, zt”l, in Kaf HaChaim (27:35), notes that homes where conflict erupts on Shabbat night often experience hardship in the coming week. This underscores the importance of fostering a harmonious atmosphere as Shabbat descends.

 

The Key to Tranquility

The Shelah, in Shaar Ha’Osios (Alef 48), provides a powerful key to tranquility: one must accept that every trial and tribulation is the will of Hashem. Insults, humiliation, and public shaming should be embraced with love and the understanding that they are mere messengers executing Hashem’s decree. As Dovid HaMelech said regarding Shimi ben Gera’s rebuke: “Hashem has commanded him to curse.” Maintaining this mindset enables one to withstand life’s challenges without succumbing to anger.

 

Fundamentals of Faith

A remarkable parable illustrates this lesson:

A yid, suffering frequent insults from his wife, sought direction from his rav. The rabbi davened for an end to the mistreatment, and miraculously, the man’s wife underwent a complete transformation, treating him with the utmost respect. However, shortly thereafter, his neighbors began to publicly shame him—one accusing him of theft, another disgracing him in shul.

Distressed, the man returned to his rav, lamenting his new predicament. The sage explained, “It was never your wife or your neighbors humiliating you—it was a gezeirah min haShamayim. Initially, the decree was confined to your home, but when you sought relief, Hashem simply transferred the nisayon to the public sphere. Be grateful that the shame is not more severe.”

Shockingly, the distraught yid pleaded for his suffering to return to the privacy of his home rather than endure the pain of public disgrace.

This anecdote delivers a profound lesson: life’s obstacles are divine decrees designed to cultivate personal growth. By accepting our trials with unwavering emunah, we free ourselves from frustration and anger, replacing them with inner tranquility. As we welcome Shabbat, let us strive to extinguish the fires of anger within and instead embrace the Shabbat's sanctity. Through faith, patience, and the pursuit of a peaceful environ, we can transform our private lives into sanctuaries of bliss, reflecting the core of menuchat Shabbat.

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Rabbi Leeor Dahan, a graduate of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim/RSA, is a noted scholar and teacher, well-versed in halachah. He currently leads Kehilat Avodat Hashem in Hillcrest, Queens, inspiring his congregation to delve into Torah study and embrace its eternal teachings.