Good Parenting: Is My Son A Sore Loser?

Dear Adina:

We are in the midst of basketball season, and this is my question:

How do you handle when your son’s team has lost all the games, so he refuses to go to basketball?  I don’t know what to do.  On one hand, I want him to feel some kind of commitment to the team, yet he and one other player are the stronger ones on the team.  I know it can be quite discouraging to lose every single game, but shouldn’t I still make him go?

Thanks so much for your question.  To start off, I would let him know what your concerns are.

I would open up the discussion and try to listen to what he has to say.

“This is the story: I know you are upset and frustrated because you keep on losing and you don’t feel like participating in your basketball league.  The problem is that you committed to doing this – we signed up, we spoke to the coach, etc.  I am uncomfortable saying that you don’t have to go, because of that commitment.  But I want to hear your opinion on the matter.”

You can then ask some questions, guiding him towards thinking for himself and resolving this problem:

Ø “Can you find some solution to this problem?”

Ø “Do you enjoy anything at all about basketball, even if you are not winning?  Does it help to focus on the things you do enjoy?”

Ø “Can you be given some sort of leadership role to help the weaker players?  Will that work for you?”

You can end the conversation with something like this:

“Ultimately it is your decision whether or not you go to basketball.  If you want my opinion, I think you made a commitment and you should go.  Plus, I think you can figure out a way to make the most of a difficult situation.  But again, it is your call.”

I hope this helps.

Good luck!