Harav Yitzchak Yisraeli Discusses Marital Harmony

The nature of all human beings is imperfect. Our Rabbis teach us that the Torah was given to the Jewish people so that we can use it to refine ourselves. Because this is such a central teaching, our sages have found many allusions to it throughout the Torah. For example, the Mishna in Bava Kamma says there are four categories of Nezikin/ damages; the Shor (Ox), the Bor (pit), the Maveh (man/ tooth) and the Eish (fire). The great Rav Benzion Abba Shaul explained this Mishna as, beyond its simple meaning, a metaphor for the four destructive character traits so commonly ingrained within the human personality.

The “Ox” symbolizes Desire. It is known that cows and oxen will eat and eat some more as long as the food is in front of them. If the food is not removed by the owner, the cows can eat even to the point of death caused by overeating. This trait is reflected in the human who does not know how to limit and control his desires. Such an unchecked and uninhibited desire can lead a person to all kinds of self-destructive actions. These include not only health concerns, but all matters which drive a person away from the main spiritual goals in his life.

The “Pit” symbolizes Melancholy. The characteristics of a pit are lowliness, darkness and apparent solitude. The Ba’alei Hamusar (Rabbinical masters of character refinement) brand all the negative character traits “Avot Hatumah (major defilement)”, but for sadness they reserve the title “Avi Avot Hatuma (Severe Defilement)”. Sadness and melancholy are considered to be the worst personality ailments because of their numbing effect on psycho-spiritual convalescence. Our Rabbis teach us that the Satan utilizes this weapon of sadness with great cunning to prevent the sinner from all stirrings of repentance. As long as a person is trapped in the mire of self-defeatism, he will lack the willpower and joy necessary to reconnect with Hashem. Therefore, when the Satan attempts to make a person sin, it is very likely that his ultimate goal is not the sin itself but the resulting sadness.

The “Man or Tooth” refers to the horrific destructive power of Lashon Hara (Evil Speech and gossip). The human ability to speak is what sets it above the animal kingdom. The Torah alludes to this with the verse in Bereshit: “And the man became a living creature with an ability to speak”. The mouth is capable of destroying lifelong reputations in instant, uprooting facts, distorting the truth, and a host of other destructive actions.

The final destructive category of “fire” represents Anger. The Rabbi’s teach us that all who habitually get angry are met with all kinds of difficult situations due to their rage. Anger is a fire which can burn away the physical and spiritual reward for which a person works so hard to gain. Therefore, a most basic incumbency on all Jews is to learn how to control their anger. The Rambam says that the character trait of anger is so dangerous, that there is no appropriate time for one to actually feel angry.

Our national gift of the Torah is also a responsibility to live up to its call for character refinement and social improvement. The character traits mentioned above do much to hamper this aim and therefore must be combated with great determination. May Hashem bless us so that we merit true understanding and knowledge so that we fulfill His Will.

By Adam Suionov